Love Letters

I love letters, I love words, I love sentences and fragments of sentences. For me, writing is a mysterious dance between these fragments and my feelings – each continually tugging at the other for the truth.

Writing can be troubling and tenuous. It slips so easily from my grasp one minute, then wraps around me like a needy lover the next. It is inside me and yet exists beyond me. I try to wade deep into its flow, but often feel I’m only skimming the surface of something I don’t truly understand.

I do love it. That is why I am writing a novel … or was.

Here’s the thing; with a new puppy in my life, a household to maintain, and a documentary film to complete, I decided something had to be put on hold. I had excuses to do with money, time, and change — and so after nine weeks of daily practice this fall, I stopped writing my novel. It’s been six weeks since I stopped.

I cannot get back those six weeks. If I had found the time to write just a single page a day, I would be more than forty pages ahead of where I am right now. But the wonderful thing is — another six weeks lie ahead of me. And another and another.

All great achievements require time. ~ Maya Angelou, American Writer

A novel is a great achievement. If you are working on one, I urge you to let go the excuses around time, life circumstances, money and fear. I urge you to devote yourself wholeheartedly to dancing with words and wading in deep. Love your practice even if it is just a page a day.

To help cultivate a wholehearted novel writing practice, ask yourself these questions.

What’s the point?

Figure out your reasons for wanting to write a novel in the first place. Do they make sense? Do they come from the heart? Do you love letters, words and sentences enough to spend time stringing them together and tearing them apart? Also think about whether or not this is the novel you truly want to be writing. If it’s not, scrap it and start again with one you can love.

How much time is enough?

Go easy on yourself. Stop trying to live up to word counts and page counts dictated by Stephen King or Julia Cameron and just write every day. If it means you only write for five minutes then that’s enough. It’s more than not writing. If you can’t write every day then try to write as often as you can. Make your own rules from a loving place.

What’s my problem?

Dig in and ask yourself what truly lies behind all your excuses. Deal with your fears, your foils, your stumbling blocks. But also look at when you are at your best, when you do well and parlay that knowledge into a best practice for you.

Wholehearted writing is about choosing a direction, taking your time, knowing yourself and, ultimately, loving yourself enough to begin. I will begin again today. Join me and let’s write our novels together — one lovely letter, one lovely page at a time.

If you’re in need of some resources to help you on your journey, here’s a link to a package of amazing self study materials on personal empowerment. You can also follow my blog as I continue to share with you my journey of living and writing more mindfully and passionately.

awake and dreaming

I am of two minds. Awake and in a dream state. I haven’t had five hours of straight sleep for two weeks. This state is no blissful Maryland. It is a foggy and distracted state like coastal Washington. I’m tired, eating badly and not exercising. I need to shave my legs. I keep forgetting to floss. Well I don’t actually forget, I’m just too tired to bother.

Truth is, I’m a bit of a mess and my back aches from bending and chasing and scooping and barricading. I feel like my house is under siege — invaded by a furry little dictator. Levi is his name and he’s an 11 week old golden retriever. And for the record, he only chews, gnaws and takes. He does not retrieve.

And the crazy part of this dream is that it’s not a dream, it’s not going to end anytime soon, I can’t go back and, we — foolish naive people that we are — we invited him in. We beckoned, wished, searched, found and flung open our arms to this — our first dog.

People told us, “oh you’ll love it”, “oh it will be the best thing you’ll ever do”, “oh he’ll become a part of your family”. Sounded great. We heard the warnings too, “oh a puppy’s a lot of work”, “oh prepare not to sleep ever again”, “oh you know it’s like having a baby”. But we shunned those warnings. We knew better. We knew we were ready and we knew, in our heart of hearts, it wouldn’t be that bad. After all, we are home a lot, we have a small family, we love walking and running, and we have more than enough space and time in our lives for this little being. HAH!

The time is never right to turn a perfectly peaceful life upside-down. But we did and this is where I am now. Missing what I had and squinting through the fog of this dream state to try to see more clearly what this strange new land I now inhabit looks like and feels like.

We’ve all been here if we’ve lived at all. Something new comes into our lives. We start school, we get our first job, we meet someone special, get married, have kids. We continually make choices and then, when the dream state of fatigue and overwhelm begins to clear, we adapt and we learn to put one fluffy slipper in front of the other and bag yet another lovely morsel of poop left in the snow. We do what we have to do.

No one said new was easy.

New might be soft, sweet, adorable, playful, loving and curious. But new is also a stranger to me – a guest who is not leaving, who demands attention, even if it’s three in the morning. New wails, bites and eats paper towel rolls. New doesn’t care if he’s chewing his designated chew toys or the freakin’ legs of my furniture. New has taken up residence, made himself quite comfortable and forced the three “old” people living in this house to make room.

There’s a part of me that’s wigging out – wondering when this “guest” will become a member of the family and do his part – whatever that is. When I’ll stop feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake. I go from gushing over his big puppy dog eyes to wanting to cry. I go from joyfully watching him leap in the snow like a rabbit to hoping he’ll quit whining and let me sleep.

My dream state is riddled with rough terrain that wavers between love and animosity, joy and weariness. But it also has a glimmer of beauty on its horizon. I need to wake myself a little to see it. I need to lift the fog. I need to get back what I never lost and see what has always been there — the good and the love.

How will I do this? I will practice patience. I will shower even if he’s howling in his crate. I will get back to yoga while he naps and start drinking my green smoothies every morning even if he doesn’t like the sound of the blender. I will fuel my body, my soul and my love for my puppy with healthy things. I will rest when I can and not worry about clocking how many hours of sleep I get. I will take back my life little by little, but recognize that plans might have to be flexible and that change is not the end of the world.

At times, you too may have found yourself at odds with those around you or with your life’s circumstances. You may have felt like a guest in your own home or like someone has intruded into your personal space. Perhaps it’s the demands of young children, pets, jobs, parents, friends or a boss. Perhaps you’re rattled by a disruption in your daily routine. Maybe you’ve become unclear as to how to proceed as per usual.

The dream state takes over even though you’re awake. It’s that feeling like you’re floating through life but you’re not really a part of it somehow. To lift this sense of weariness we need to take care of ourselves and realize we are not in this thing alone. We can ask for help. We can let go perfection. We can be where we are, even if it feels a little off or weird.

Where I am is tired. But I’m healthy, happy and safe. I have a new life in my care. I have more than my share. I am blessed. This is a dream state I can live in.

Be there with me. Embrace the basics – love, water, food, exercise, cuddles and fresh air. My puppy taught me that. I do love him. And I do love you for being on this journey with me.

Special Note: On January 16, Stephanie Wetzel of Trading Pounds and Barrie Davenport of Live Bold and Bloom, will launch The Empowerment Pack, a package of over 25 personal development and self-improvement courses, books, and guides being offered for a 90% discount. You can join the waiting list for this special 3-day promotion by visiting their website.

tiny wisdom

She calls herself Tiny Buddha. She’s a strong writer with a clear, funny, often sweet voice. Her book has helped me to ask myself some tough questions about why I am doing what I’m doing. Not just here on this blog, but in my life as a writer, mother, wife, friend and woman. I often feel like everything I read these days sounds the same, but not so with Tiny Buddha. There’s freshness, sass and heart in her prose.

Her real name is Lori Deschene and this is a book about her life’s journey. She truly bares all — unflinchingly. She does so in order to guide her readers through the personal and into the practical. This is her way of helping them discover their own path and make choices that are right for them. Along with exercises and tips, she includes shared wisdom – experiences and reflections gathered from her many twitter followers. Lori’s book mirrors her blog in both depth and poignancy. I’m honoured that she answered my questions about her new creation. Here’s what she had to say.

1. Where did you get your mad writing skills and wicked sense of humor from?

Thank you for the compliment! I’ve always written—for as long as I can remember. In high school, I made a common young writer mistake: I wrote everything using a thesaurus and included as many 50-cent words as possible because I thought it made me look smart. Despite my strained tone, my teachers saw something in me, particularly because I wrote about heavy topics that other kids my age weren’t exploring.

I went to Emerson College on a partial writing scholarship, and learned a lot through the workshop process. I remember one professor frequently told us, “Show it; don’t tell it.” That suggestion has greatly influenced how I run Tiny Buddha. It’s not just about the tips and insights; it’s about the stories that reveal our humanity and our similarities.

As for my sense of humor, I needed something to balance all those heavy topics!

2. You share a lot of deeply, sometimes painfully personal stuff in your book, was that scary, cathartic, essential?

It definitely felt cathartic to paint a picture of where I’ve been, including some of the lowest moments. It’s liberating to acknowledge some of the things that previously caused me shame and identify what I learned from them. If they help someone, then those experiences suddenly feel incredibly useful, beyond how I grew through them.

It didn’t feel scary at first, as I’ve always embraced radical honesty. But I must admit, now that’s it coming out, I’ve second-guessed myself a little. If someone wanted to be judgmental, I’m sure they could find a lot to judge! Ultimately, it’s a risk I was willing to take, and I’m glad I didn’t feel fear until it was too late to go back.

I did think it was essential to open up in this way—and not just in the introduction, but throughout the entire book. I wanted to show steps of a journey that’s ongoing, as opposed to presenting myself as an expert on personal growth, because I think that’s true for all of us. We will never have it all figured out. All we can ever do is start from where we are and do our best to keep learning, growing, and helping each other.

3. Why was it important to you to lace your book with crowd sourced wisdom?

The book is about the hardest questions in life, and there aren’t really concrete answers to any of them—although there are many different possible conclusions we could draw, depending on our perceptions and beliefs.

I wanted the book to address numerous different ways of looking at things, so it made sense to elicit those insights from the community.

4. I’m fascinated by writer’s process. Tell me about your daily writing regime?

Sure! I generally bring my laptop to a coffee shop, though sometimes I’ll sit outside and do it old school—by hand, with a notebook and a pen.

I find I’m best equipped to write when I’m surrounded by people, listening to my iPod. The energy of crowd moving around gives me inspiration, while the music helps me a find a sense of stillness and reflection amid that chaos.

Beyond Tiny Buddha, I also write for ‘tween girls (for a magazine and a website). It’s a completely different style with a lot of “OMG” and “BFF,” so I don’t really have any rules or needs for that!

5. It’s a big book and it’s well written plus you have a blog, a job, a life? How did you deal with burn out and balance?

Thank you for that! When I wrote the book, I actually had a much busier lifestyle than I do now, as I was working a contract writing job on the side while running the website and writing for ‘tween girls. I was able to drop the contract job in March of this year, so I maintain a much more balanced schedule these days.

While I was writing the book, tiny choices really made a big difference. Sometimes I’d take a short break to do a bit of a yoga video from YouTube, or I’d take a walk around the block in the middle of the day to get some fresh air and find my center.

My boyfriend helped a great deal. We’d just moved to LA and he was looking for work, so I could always take a short break and talk with him if I started to feel overwhelmed.

6. Tell me who the book is for? Who will it help?

This book is really for anyone. We all deal with the same universal issues and grapple with the same big questions. If you’re struggling to create purpose, let go of pain, choose happiness, or connect with people on a meaningful level, this book may help.

7. How did you find a publisher and how has that experience been? Any regrets? Any wisdom for up and coming writers wanting to publish?

A few publishers had previously contacted me to ask if I’d review their books. When someone from Conari Press reached out, it occurred to me that I could simply ask if they were accepting proposals—and they were.

So far, it’s been a wonderful experience. The people at Conari have been supportive and helpful; and the whole process has met my expectations.

For new writers who want to publish their books, my best advice is to focus on building your platform. I didn’t know this before, but publishers primarily look for authors who are likely to be successful in marketing their own books. If you don’t already have some type of platform or audience, it’s far more difficult to get a publisher’s attention, even if you have a fantastic book.

Of course, nowadays, writers can easily publish on their own, but then it’s even more essential to have a platform and a network of supporters, since you won’t have the benefit of a team working on your behalf.

8. What’s next for Tiny Buddha and for Lori Deschene?

I’m going to Disneyland! I’m serious. I have an annual pass and I go all the time with my boyfriend. But in terms of my work…

Until January 15th, I’m running a photo contest through the “Life’s Hard Questions” project. Anyone who submits a picture of themselves somehow displaying the hardest question in their life is entered to win a DSLR camera or a Kindle. You can view that slide show and enter the contest at lifeshardquestions.com.

Beyond that, I’ll keep writing for Tiny Buddha and connecting with other writers who want to share their stories. That’s what I’m happiest doing, so we’ll see where else that takes me!

Grab a copy of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. You won’t regret owning a copy and having your own little red book. I love mine. And be sure to visit Lori’s blog, Tiny Buddha.

Happy New Year!

a very puppy christmas

This is my new puppy, Levi. He’s nine weeks old. He is smart and sweet and playful. He wakes every few hours in the night so we bond outside under the moonlight in the bitter cold. I am feeling love and dread all at the same time. I keep wondering what I’ve done. The new can be that way. It can be wonderful, frightening and off putting. I am diving deep into the new – all of it and living right here and right now, knee deep in puppy poop. Have a very puppy christmas. I know I will.

small is beautiful

“Ever bigger machines, entailing ever bigger concentrations of economic power and exerting ever greater violence against the environment, do not represent progress: they are a denial of wisdom. Wisdom demands a new orientation of science and technology towards the organic, the gentle, the non-violent, the elegant and beautiful.”

- E.F. Schumacher, Small is Beautiful: Economics As If People Mattered, 1973 London

What has happened to us? We’re all fixated on the most, the biggest, the best. We want bigger and better lives, but we end up settling instead for bigger TVs, bigger vehicles and bigger houses. We pave over natural wetlands to make room for our big suburban developments where we think maybe those bigger and better lives might play out.

It seems an unyielding imperative that our cities keep spreading and bulldozing in the name of generating more jobs, more units, more condos and more revenue for those same cities to spin back into developing, expanding and encompassing even more.

Where’s the plan? Where’s the vision? There was one, but it seems it’s been waylaid by progress. A variance here, a rule broken there, a plan and a vision forgotten. We watch and whine and pretend it’s all going to be okay. And it probably will be okay – for us.

But what about our children. This relentless push for progress will cost them dearly. We are using up all the resources. Cutting down and paving over every scrap of nature we can sell, gut and redo. We are getting bigger and bigger and our shadow looms over the near future like a giant poisonous-gas-filled blimp.

We are the generation that has sat by while the 1% have become “the best destroyers of all time”, impoverishing people and the planet like never before. (George Monbiot, p.19, The Guardian Weekly, 18.11.11.)

When will we get wise? Before it all explodes or after?

It’s amazing how little we really need, to be content in this life. The problem is, we want what we want. Will we ever think small, think gentle, think beautiful? Will we ever stop feeding the consumer and corporate machines that shove our desire for more down our throats by telling us exactly what it is we should be eating, wearing, caring about and buying?

Isn’t one gift at Christmas enough?

If not, why not? Why shop ’til you drop? Why stress and fret and over spend? Bring yourself back down to size. Think small. Teach your kids something else. Get sentimental about life, about nature, about your loved ones — not about buying a bunch of stuff that no one needs. Don’t get sucked into some endless black monday that spins into boxing day and then becomes an interminable cycle of gift-giving (aka shopping) imposed upon you by a bunch of “shoulds” from Wall Street and beyond? It’s time to throw a monkey wrench into the old escalator and jump off this crazy ride.

Small is beautiful. Small cities mean a greater sense of connection, ease of movement and self-sustainability. A small house, a small car, a small Christmas are all easier, more affordable, more peaceful and more spacious. Small means you have time and space for the lovely in life.

Even if you were not one of those who ventured downtown and held up a sign during the occupy movement, maybe you too believe it is time to challenge the status quo, to reign in corporate greed and to choose wisdom over progress at all costs. Maybe you can begin by acting as if all that you do matters and by realizing that small is also beautiful. Start at home and let the wisdom spread from there.

Here’s wishing you a small holiday season sprinkled with ease, beauty and love.

Where Do You Live?

Everything is changing – and fast. Our money, our climate, our connections. I find myself longing for the good old days – bygone days remembered through rose-coloured glasses when everyone could afford to buy a house, when cities valued green spaces and parks over condo developments and when people talked on rotary phones that hung on the walls of their kitchens.

We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road. ~ C. S. Lewis, author

I feel at odds with the pace of the modern world – like I need to slow down, take a breath and get clear on where I’m headed – where we’re all headed as we heave like a runaway train towards progress, wealth, success.

The two main characters in my novel grew up without iphones, the internet or reality TV. They grew up when I did. We know what a typewriter sounds like, how to search the periodicals section of a library, how many sweet tarts a penny can buy. I’ve carefully planted my characters, like helpless Barbies, into this world because I know this time and place, better than the one I live in today.

The world of my novel is where I grew up, where I lost my first tooth, had my first kiss, got my first job and became who I am. It is where my imagination was born. And so now, as I find myself straggling behind, a child of a different time, wandering in the creative direction of my past, I know am not lost. This is my home. It’s where I live.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself. ~ Maya Angelou, poet

When I try to punch the time clock of today I am not content. I was a frenzied blogger and now I blog slowly. I was overwhelmed with a busy life and now I live a more calm existence. I am changing, growing, loving and creating at this pace and from this place. But I will not rush, destroy, überconnect, bombard, sell out, burn out or take for granted this home, this planet, this gift.

I am sure-footed and I am moving towards my own kind of progress on this peaceful, open road. This is where I write. This is my garden. This is my home.

Where do you live?

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