10 Things I Wish I’d Known Earlier About the Birds & the Bees
Written by Katie Tallo.
When I was nine, I was a tomboy with an attitude. Scraped knees and climbing trees – that was me. I spent my days biking through city parks and my nights racing across backyards with a pack of kids as we played capture the flag. I was free as a bird.
Then one night when I was hiding in the bushes from the enemy tribe, next to a boy from the neighbourhood, his leg touched mine. He pulled away in disgust. “Your legs are hairy. You should shave them.” I had no idea I was even supposed to shave them. I was mortified at being so repulsive. Since I didn’t know how to shave my legs, from that day forward, I kept them as far away from that boy as I possibly could. His words stung for a long time.
At school, I was regularly referred to as fish lips by a boy who sat next to me. Full lips were not “in” back then. What was odd though was that I had the impression this boy liked me. I bravely asked him to dance at the Grade Seven dance. He smirked and said, “You’re too straight.” I didn’t know what he was talking about. He pointed to my flat chest and said, “Too straight!” and walked off. Sting number two.
My feet have always been pretty big. My first boyfriend laughed when I bought a pair of runners that made my feet look like boats. He even called over one of his buddies who was standing nearby, “Check out her feet! They’re huge!” I laughed off sting number three. But sometime later, he made fun of the way I kissed. Sting number four ached for years.
We all have them – those humiliations that feel like tiny bee stings to the heart. Bees come in all shapes and sizes, from sniveling nine-year-old boys to sniveling sixteen-year-old boyfriends, from insensitive bosses, to tactless friends or critical parents.
Five Things I Wish I’d Known About Bees Back Then:
- I wish I’d known they could only sting me if I let them.
- I wish I’d known how to stick up for myself, come up with a great comeback, and not take any crap from any bee.
- I wish I’d known that bees don’t really want to sting me, they just don’t know any better and sometimes, they’ve been stung too.
- I wish I’d known that it was okay to stick up for others when they got stung.
- I wish I’d known that some bees don’t realize there’s more than one kind of beauty and more than one way to do things.
But I didn’t – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being ahead of my time, being shrewd or cunning as a child, would have meant I had nothing to grow into – nothing to become. I wouldn’t have learned from my experiences or developed the kind of grit, stamina, spirit or integrity that comes from making mistakes and not being perfect in the eyes of all bees.
What slowly heals those stings is our soul. It shines back at us when we look in the mirror. It is the ointment to our stings. It sooths them, but it doesn’t stop them from happening. It knows that we need to run into a few bees once in a while. It knows that bees teach us life’s lessons about how to spread our wings, take flight and feel as free as a bird – just like we did before we were stung.
Five Things I Wish I’d Known About Birds Back Then:
- Birds are beautiful. They don’t all wear the same feathers. Each is unique.
- Birds are natural. They are connected to earth, trees, wind and water.
- Birds are instinctual. They just know. They jump out of their nests and fly. They know what to eat to survive, where to live and how to protect themselves.
- Birds sing. They communicate, play and dazzle one another with music.
- Birds can soar to great heights. They let their leaders lead them, they fly together, and they can see for miles.
Once you know about the birds and the bees, you can have faith in the natural unfolding of your life. You can learn to love the skin you’re in and connect with what your instincts are telling you is good for you. You can begin to sing, set your sights high and soar to a place where your soul can see for miles and your heart knows what really matters. You can begin to let go the bees and embrace the beautiful bird within.
This post was written as part of a series of Life Lessons being created by Abubakar Jamil whose self improvement blog explores how to gain mental clarity and overcome self-limiting beliefs.
60 Responses to “10 Things I Wish I’d Known Earlier About the Birds & the Bees”
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Thanks, Katie…For those of use who grew up being wild, free, barefooted girls, running into the wall of conformity and expectation was a hard hit, and it did sting. I’m amazed at the stings I remember, the exact words. I could recreate the scene. With time and a gentle spirit, the stings heal. They turn into opportunities for us to experience courage and unconditional love.
.-= Jane Rochelle´s last blog ..When Weariness Sets In- Be Gentle With Yourself =-.
Hi Jane. Yes, “with time and a gentle spirit” they do heal. I’m glad to hear yours, though vivid, have been turned into opportunities for growth and love. That’s wonderful.
I love birds, and I love bees, and I feel that many of those birds would love for those focused, 1-pointed bee’s stingers to be directed at them still… but in a different way
.-= Jason Fonceca´s last blog ..Papercut Tracy Baker Jason Fonceca 2010 =-.
Jason, too true. It’s all in how you choose to use your 1-pointed bee stinger, isn’t it?
I feel like a pretty good decision-maker
.-= Jason Fonceca´s last blog ..melodie-moore-hoop-lace-triptych-lotalove =-.
Katie, I loved reading your honest, insightful post. I think many of us have had these painful bee stings growing up, made to feel awkward and unattractive. For me, it was being very near-sighted and wearing thick glasses. In high school, I’d walk around without them which meant that I looked better but that I couldn’t recognize my best friend across the street.
We survived and learned to thrive, but I’m concerned about what some young women have to endure these days. Doesn’t it sometimes go Beyond Bee Stings?
.-= Madeleine Kolb´s last blog ..Pilgrimage to Site of First Flight =-.
Madeleine, it’s funny you should mention young women. I’ve been thinking a lot about younger women and pre-teens and what they endure today. I’ve watched my daughter deal with her own stings, but it is a different world than when we were children. I’m thinking of developing some materials for younger people so they can connect to some of these ideas too. Thank you for sharing your own experience. All the best.
I’d say ouch but you are over them and these memories are now exactly where they need to be: IN the very back of your mind to serve as the best lessons in life and to share in inspiring blog posts with your readers, Katie!
My memory is awful but I remember in Turkey, a boy that sat next to me told me my eyes are too big. Mind you, he was himself the ugliest creature in all of that class if not the school – and I know today I have the most beautiful pair of eyes but why on earth can I not forget that part of my memory, I wish I knew that!
Thank you for another great post on a lovely Tuesday!!!!!
Farnoosh, so glad to hear you are embracing your beauty and didn’t let the sting of some silly boy turn you away from it. Have a lovely day. You are writing with joy in your words today.
I’d very much like to meet that Turkish boy and get his eyesight checked up in front of me.
.-= Abubakar Jamil´s last blog ..How to Find the Happiness that Lasts Forever =-.
What a lovely post. Yes, the stings can be many and the memory can last a lifetime. Yet, it is only as we grow into ourselves that we realize that we are not only the stung but sometimes the stinger. Now that I’m learning about birds, I’m much better at not stinging or letting stings hurt.
Deb, what a great insight. Yes, we can be the stingers too. I forgot that element. Thank you for pointing it out. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
Awwww..Katie. You got me a little teary today. I feel like I know you a little bit better after reading this post. Thanks for being real.
Best,
Courtney
.-= Courtney Carver´s last blog ..Minimalism Misconceptions =-.
I do feel a little naked, Courtney, but I’m learning more and more, that honesty is the only way to blog. I love your blog. You stand up for what’s important to you and I really appreciate that.
katie – I can relate to so many of “the stings”, especially the lips one but the bees just got it wrong. I love my lips now but I hated them for years! Your image of birds is just lovely – I’m sure many, many people will relate to this sensitive post and think about how they are now and how those childhood experiences shaped them into the adults they are today. more please! mark
Mark, awww, that’s so sweet that you love your lips. Funny how the small stings stay with us, but somehow make us embrace ourselves even more deeply as we age. Like you say, we are “shaped” by them. Thanks for commenting and keep going with your blog. You’ve got so much to share.
Katie,
Thank you so much for this wonderful article and participating in the Life Lessons Series. That means a lot to me.
.-= Abubakar Jamil´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
It was my pleasure to participate, Abubakar. Thank you for inspiring some great posts by fellow bloggers. Well done.
Katie, this is so touching and inspirational. Those stings sure do hurt, but what joy there is when we learn how strong our wings are and how high we can fly. Time to tweet this post and let it fly on.
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..How to be Your Own Blog Post Fairy =-.
Thank Jean. You really are one of those lovely birds I hope to fly with for some time.
A beautiful post Katie. Who hasn’t been stung before? I love what you said about people inflecting pain on others not knowing any better. This is where we can have compassion even for the people who hurt us.
From the stings we learn and grow to love who we truly are.
Thanks for this insightful message.
.-= Manal´s last blog ..5 Easy Steps to Understand and Deal With Temptation =-.
Manal, that compassion you speak of is so very important in getting to that place where we can love ourselves. Forgiveness is a big part of it. So happy you enjoyed the post and found inspiration in it.
Katie, no bird nor bee can hide your beautiful soul shining through this post. I think it’s so important to trust in the natural progression of things, of life. Oh sure, life is littered with bird poop and bee stings but the soul, if we feed it, has a way of navigating itself. Thanks for a good dose of wisdom here today.
Hey Belinda, you make me laugh. Yes, “bird poop and bee stings” can’t stop our natural flow. You seem to have found a way to feed your soul, and go with the flow of your soul, and it shines through in your posts every day.
This is beautiful… truly an amazing post. I’m going to share it with the ladies in my eating disorder recovery group.
.-= Jill Will Run´s last blog ..Evolution of Road Rash =-.
Jill, your comment and your blog have rocked my world. I had tears in my eyes looking at the photos of your poor wounded face. Thank God your healing so fast. Your story is very inspiring. You are such a determined woman and you make me want to kick some serious ass in whatever I set out to accomplish. I would be honoured if you feel this post would help anyone feel better about themselves or help them get through something tough or traumatic. Go Jill!
Katie,
What a wonderful ways of writing with Birds and Bees and linking them to a life. I would have never imagined to think of it this way, thanks for showing me alternate ways of looking at life lessons.
.-= Preeti @ Heart and Mind´s last blog ..No Spend Month Challenge- Update 1 =-.
Awww, thank you Preeti. You are always so supportive. I’m glad you enjoyed my birds and bees analogy. Have a great day.
Wonderful post. I definitely had my share of bee stings! I was constantly teased starting around grade 7 and called everything from frog-eyes to sewer creature (lol!) by a group of boys who thought they were hot stuff. Cool thing I noticed, though, was that two boys–the very nicest, most good-looking boys I knew–never made fun and they stuck up for me a few times. That sure helped to see the character of my oppressors! lol
I moved away from my small town right after high school, and about 15 years later I was visiting family. We went to the small shopping mall, and there was the ringleader–loitering and smoking and looking very grubby with what looked like a bunch of unemployed painters or construction workers, or something like that. No shame in that, really, but it was nowhere near the lofty position he assumed so many years ago lol I admit I felt extremely smug
Glad to read your uplifting post.
.-= Leah McClellan´s last blog ..Empathy- The Misunderstood E-Word =-.
Oh my Leah, you always have such great stories. Revenge is sweet sometimes, but likely these were unhappy boys … or just sniveling little shits. Either way, I’m glad you came out of those early experiences with only minor wounds and your glorious and biting sense of humour intact, aimed and ready to fire away at will.
lol Glad you like my stories. Oh yeah, unhappy boys…they had to learn their ways from somewhere–I mean, you know bullies come from very painful places. I didn’t know that back then, and it hurt, a lot (it went on for years–add pizza face to the list when I had a bad case of pimples lol). But what can you do but get over it or not?
.-= Leah McClellan´s last blog ..Empathy- The Misunderstood E-Word =-.
Katie, we should all collectively thank the bee stingers for the wonderful help they gave us, as children and teenagers, in building our characters! If only we had the wisdom at that age, to realise that they were actually teaching us how to develop our own inner strength!
I constantly felt the sting from being teased for having curly hair, when straight hair was “in”, and also for being Australian, and speaking with a strong English accent! (My whole family were English).
Thank you for yet another wonderfully insightful post.
.-= Joanne Keevers´s last blog ..On a Natural High =-.
Thank you bee stingers! There, I did it. Hopefully, now you embrace your lovely hair and accent. Glad you enjoyed the post. My daughter has been reading everyone’s comments and she just loves how everyone is sharing their stings. Thank you, Joanne.
Very true what you say about the bee stings – without them we would not have evolved quite the way we have. My bee stings have made me a compassionate human being. They no longer sting rather they have turned to gold. – or as you say, “What slowly heals those stings is our soul. It shines back at us when we look in the mirror.”
This is an incredibly inspiring post. How wonderful it would be if it were given to every child, teenager, and lost soul.
.-= Aileen´s last blog ..Simple Stress Release- Breathe =-.
That is wonderful Aileen. Gold! I agree with you that children and teens need this kind of advice. I wonder if they would hear it or be able to absorb it. Thank you for your ever soulful comments.
Hi Katie. That is such a lovely post. Love the bees and birds analogy. Very beautifully done.
Thank you so much Uzma. I have a thing for analogies.
Such a brave and beautiful post. Thanks Katie.
It does cut a bit close to home, but worth it when people find it inspiring. Thanks Linda.
I guess I didn’t know as much about birds and bees before I read this post! Thanks for sharing, really wonderful story to remember, especially when some people judge you or attack you when you don’t deserve it. We are unique individuals, with a beauty of our own to protect and share with the people we love.
.-= Joyce at What Would You Do In Heaven?´s last blog ..What’s So Cute About a Baby =-.
Joyce, you’re right. Love and sharing are the key to getting over stings.
Oh Katie! Fantastic post!
This:
I wish I’d known that some bees don’t realize there’s more than one kind of beauty and more than one way to do things.
Just perfect.
I can still remember all of my stings! OUCH. But now I know about the list.
Thank you for the wonderful words and peek into your experience.
Thanks Elana. I love that you love my words ’cause I sure love yours.
I knew I didn’t like those darn bees from the time I walked straight into the middle of a hornets nest while camping as a young child, collectively those darn critters nearly killed me.
What a great analogy of the birds and the bees.
I want to be a bird and I want to surround myself with only birds. (even though they pooped on my laundry hanging outside yesterday)…I still like birds.
Thanks for another great post!
Thanks for the kudos. Sounds like you’ve had some rough times with hornets and bird poop, but you’re staying positive. Guess that’s all part of it. Taking shit and yet continuing to smile. Cheers!
Katie this was a beautiful post. I was right there with you as a 9 year old I remember it well. But you turned it around so beautifully and made it a wonderful learning experience.
Thank you
.-= Marion Anderson´s last blog ..The ONE Lesson I Wish I had Learned Sooner in Life =-.
Thanks Marion, I think nine is a very memorable and formative age. I remember it so clearly. I’m so glad you enjoyed my story. All the best.
Great post Katie – birds just happen to be my favorite!
I don’t remember any stings from other kids – I think I was too busy stinging myself to look up and notice. No worries though, my wings are in pretty good shape these days. I’m happy we get to soar together here on the web.
.-= Alison Kerr´s last blog ..Nine Reasons to Nature Garden =-.
Alison, Too bad about that self-stinging, but it’s good that your wings healed. This is a fun journey we’re on, isn’t it? I can’t wait to see to what heights we’ll all fly.
Loved this, Katie! I think your point about not allowing these stings to touch hits the nail on the head.
When we find ourselves placing importance and significance on something negative that someone says about us, we should immediately check to make sure we’re only extracting the constructive criticism from it and discard the rest.
Capturing the negativity that others push towards us and then holding onto it only causes us long-term pain and suffering!
Thanks for sharing your story!
.-= Raam Dev´s last blog ..7 Pieces of Advice for my Younger Self =-.
Thanks for the insights Raam, and thanks for sharing your story for the same great series. For that matter, we should thank Abubakar for allowing us all the space to share our stories. I think the series is very inspired. Happy nomading.
I’m so happy to see this will be in The Life Lessons series! My article on Micro-Gratitude is too. It’s exciting to see people from all around the world sharing wisdom and inspiration this way.
.-= Linda Gabriel´s last blog ..The Power of Trim Tabs – How Small Changes Create Big Results =-.
It is exciting Linda. I can’t wait to see it all put together. I’m glad we’re partners in sharing.
I happened to be doing a bit of work-related research in Yahoo today and discovered this blog. Obviously I have become a bit sidetracked after sticking around to browse a few of your articles. Carry on the excellent writing and i’m already looking towards exploring upcoming blog articles. Cheers!
Thanks Nitric. Just found your awesome comment in my spam bin and I set it free. I appreciate your sticking around – I aim for stickiness whenever possible on this blog. Cheers!
Hi Katie,
I’ve just read this after being invited to participate in the Lessons. You’re an amazing writer. Very creative. I think I’ll forward this to my grandchildren age 16 and 13.
Very sweet of you to say, Tess. I hope your grandchildren like it.
I just don’t like the “birds are instictual” kinda sounds like Sarah Pallins “mothers just kinda know”
BB, I meant it more like we complicate things too much, instead of just doing what makes sense in our gut.