85 Responses to “I Am Afraid”


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  1. I am learning that this fear also blinds us to what we have already achieved. If we take a good honest look back at what we have achieved, there is often more there than what this fear and negativity would have us believe. My amazing wife keeps telling me this and I think I am beginning to hear it :-)

    Thanks for the honest and courageous post.

  2. Except for the part about not being the woman I want to be, every other word was ME talking. I couldn’t have expressed my own experience better.

  3. Katie
    I decided to get a yoga mat last night. Today I will go to the first class at 6:30 I’ll be home in time for American Idol…my guilty pleasure;)

  4. Hi Katie,

    You sound overwhelmed by all these fears and that’s a shame.
    I’ve found that fear can be my friend. Sometimes, the more I’m afraid of an action the more I need to take it. I’ve learned that the fear only recedes once the ‘action’ is over.
    After a life threatening illness I decided that if I could face that fear, what else was left? In my case it was fear of snakes. It was a serious phobia.
    I decided to deal with it and was sponsored to handle a live snake, which everyone knew represented an enormous task for me. But with professional help, I did it and have the pictures to prove it!
    I still feel afraid at times, like everyone else, but I know I have it within me to deal with it.
    And so do you.
    Warmest wishes,

  5. If I could make a suggestion… Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life” might be the perfect accompaniment to your journey toward wellness.

    All the best!

  6. Beautiful! I’ll be going on that journey towards wellness with you. The time for me is now. I have time, for the first time in my life I have time. (Irony? Yes. Truth. Yes.) For the past few weeks I’ve been putting health first above everything. All those evening walks are starting to feel good and now I’m loving honeydew for breakfast. I will not slip, revert, falter and fail. The journey has begun!

  7. It feels like you are stripped raw and searching for something, anything that works to heal inside and out. We may be able to put a smile on the face of happiness but not well-being. Well-being takes work and it takes guts to get on top of. Fear is a signpost to do something else, something more. In the moment you realize the fear, that is the moment of change. Be well dear Katie.

  8. We all face fear, but I try to copy my husband and become more assertive and less fearful of making mistakes. Sometimes when I’m too hard on myself, I remember to “love” and be kind to myself, since no one but me can take care of me.

  9. You’re analogy of overcoming fear as breaking free of a cocoon is beautiful and so appropriate. When you overcome that resistance to act out of fear it is so liberating, just as I image abutterfly breaking free of their cocoon would feel.

    What I find difficult is breaking free of the fears that aren’t as overwhelming or restrictive. The little fears that don’t necessarily prevent me from living my life, but that hold me back in small ways. Each of those little fears can seem almost inconsequential and so they’re easy to overlook or ignore. But added together, all of those little fears have a hugely negative affect on your life.

  10. Hi Katie ~ My heart goes out to you and I’m so happy to see you are beginning a journey to wellness tomorrow. There is a book I read some time ago called “Do One Thing Different” that has some great ideas. When I’m feeling stuck I try to remember that change starts with doing one thing different. How wonderful you have a friend supporting your wellness journey!

    I’m doing physical therapy everyday for a frozen shoulder, and it’s really a pain challenge. I’d like to join you in your wellness! :~D


  11. Katie, it’s really kind of strange. I’ve been doing a lot of reading of old journals of mine about this subject the last week and a half or so. Fear is such an all-encompassing subject and for people trying to forge ahead, it’s what we seem to butt our heads, hearts, bodies, and souls up against at times of trauma and transition.

    It hit me so hard this past week that I wrote about it, straight from the heart (actually, it’s a post that I yanked out of old journals and refined). It will appear tomorrow on a blog of a mutual friend. I see it as follow up on this post, and I see this post as a precurser to mine, which of course flips me out because of the timing and yet does not surprise me at all.

    Not in the least.

  12. Kerry Cutler

    I was amazed that this post appeared today as it is one of several signs in the road for me. Two days ago I decided to start a new project which I call Three-Sixty-Five: A Life Reconstructed. It is based on the premise that I have only 365 days to live. Thankfully, I have not been given that sentence, but what if I had? What would I do with those days? How would my priorities change? I gave myself roughly a day and a half for planning. My project starts tomorrow. I intend to document the entire journey as I want it to become part of the legacy I leave my children. Yes, I am terrified. I was just as terrified when I rode my first roller coaster. This should be an interesting journey. :)

  13. Thank you. Your words make a difference in my life.

  14. It’s almost mid-night in here and I am so relieved and happy that I read this post before going to sleep, because I felt like this the whole day: lost in my successive attempts to be better: healthier/thinner/hard worker/early riser/more energetic…
    I am with you! Let’s start to search for wellness only, starting tomorrow!

  15. Thanks for sharing, Albert. Your wife does sound amazing. I might be wallowing a little today but am ever mindful of all that I have accomplished. Yeah me! Yeah you!

  16. Charles, I love how the guys are beating the girls to the comments. This is interesting to me. Self esteem is something we all struggle with. Man, woman, we are all fearful at times, we are all soulful beings. I am so glad my words connected with you.

  17. Tess the bold, go forth with your yoga mat and bring all of the lessons you learn there into your life. That’s what my yoga teacher tells me – the practice is taken off the mat. Then enjoy your Idol!

  18. Hey Linda, I’m definitely venting more than overwhelmed. No shame here — just the desire to move forward in love, strength and wellness. You’re right about action – it heals. I’d love to see those pictures of you and your snake. Funny, I had a dream the other day that I was bitten by a snake. Transformation dream, I think. You sound like a fearless warrior princess! Thanks for the pep talk.

  19. Thank you Barbara for the lovely recommendation. All the best to you too!

  20. Tanja, somehow knowing you’re also with me is very empowering. And you’re right to seize the day — good for you for embracing your walks, your health and your honeydew mornings. Let yourself be imperfect and fling yourself forward — think of me there with you – only I’m over here, walking beside you and sharing in your healthy breakfasts. Yes, the journey has begun.

  21. Michelle, yes, work I will. I hear you, I see the sign posts, I need to do more and I’m ready to change. Thank you so much for you wise and powerful words. xo

  22. Sonia, your husband sounds like a very strong man. You are totally on the money — being loving and kind to yourself is the beginning and the source of much strength.

  23. Hey Jason, good point. It’s those small, relentless little fears that keep tapping away at our psyches and holding us back in small, but impactful ways. Becoming more aware of those small, negative voices in the back of our heads that attack us can really begin to free us.

  24. Hi Sue, thanks for your encouragement and kindness which comes even though you are in pain. How giving of you. Doing one thing different is great advice. I offer similar advice in my life cleanse, but like all of us, I falter, forget and often don’t live my own wisdom. Thanks for reminding me how smart I am ;) — and yes, I’m lucky to have support. LA is a great friend to have along for the ride. She gets me and she’s just like me so we know our strengths and weaknesses. Good luck with our physical therapy. You are braver than I am — being a complete wimp when it comes to pain. Yes, join us in wellness tomorrow.

  25. Diana my dear! We are connected somehow across the universe. I look forward to reading your post and hearing the fearful beauty in it. Big hugs to you.

  26. Kerry, I think maybe because spring is a time of renewal, growth, and beginnings that this is why you’ve chosen now and why I have too. Good for you. Your project sounds amazing, life affirming and important. Ride your fear just like that roller coaster and I bet it will take you places you can’t even imagine right now. Your children will be so proud of you. Interesting journey for sure.

  27. Mel, that’s very sweet, very empowering and very awesome!

  28. Filipa, don’t despair. Wellness is ours. One day, one choice, one breath at a time. I’m with you too. Believe me, believe in yourself – you can do it, you are worth it. Go you!

  29. Jane Datuk Sibidol

    Hi Katie, I’ve been insane too. Expecting to be doing things I’ve been doing well before like being physically active, being in good health, being in good shape. I didn’t realise I have to change with age. I’ve been very unforgiving to myself when I couldn’t be what I was before. Now I am learning to get used to my new self, taking time to love myself and sometimes laughing at myself at my sillyness. Your post reminded me of new possibilities with a new and older self. Thanks very much.

  30. Jane, you’re right. It is very loving to accept change, to own our personal evolution and love our new selves as we age and enter another phase of possibility. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. Thanks for reminding me to laugh at my jelly belly. xo

  31. Your words are beautiful. Your honesty is beautiful. Your wisdom is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

  32. Thank you so much for your sweet words, Cathy. Be well.

  33. Thank you Katie, for being transparent, for sharing that you do not always feel confident and enthusiastic. It helps others to admit that they have fears and darker feelings themselves.

  34. Ah, Katie, thank you for your honest words that cut right to the marrow. It is these very struggles with our fallibilities and our vulnerability that makes us human. So utterly human.

    Not long ago I read the book “Faith” by Sharon Salzberg, where she shares many of her internal and external struggles. It was one of the most amazing books I’ve ever read. I keep reminding myself of this quote from Sharon: “Even in the midst of devastation, something within us always points the way to freedom.” May your own journey toward wellness be healing and liberating.

  35. Katie,

    Thanks for your straight forward talk about fear. I hope everyone here notices that we are all worthwhile, caring, intelligent, thoughtful people, and yes, from time to time we all encounter that smothering, stifling fear creeping up on us. We bump up against it like a wall.

    There is a great practice that I use that really helps. Envision your wall. What is it made of? Is it brick, wood? How high is it? Really see it. What’s on the other side? See the whole picture. Who is with you near the wall? How close do you stand to it?

    Now invision yourself getting beyond the wall. How will you do that? Will you climb over or get a lift up by someone there with you? With you knock it down or chisle away at it?

    Seeing my wall (of fear) really helps me to see it for what it is: an imagined thing that can be conquered or moved beyond.

    Thank you for another amazing insight.


  36. Katie – first of all your blog looks AMAZING! I haven’t visited for a while. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because my own life has been crazy. It takes me breath away….

    And of course as someone on an inexplicable mission to help people find fun, rewarding ways to get fit, I can’t not comment…. Too often, we all can’t help but find ways to berate ourselves about things… for me it looks something thing like this…

    “Forgive me, because it has been 20 days since my last blog post. I have only blogged 8 times in the past 8 months. I am a blogging failure.”

    But really…..I should celebrate that I do it at all, and feel good about the times I do.

    I think we have to accept that wellness is a daily lifetime thing and so then like everything some days its ‘on’ and somedays its just not. In my experience working with people the more you can celebrate when you do it, rather than feeling guilt over when you don’t, the easier it comes.

    Fitness/Wellness needs to be a way to build ourselves up, not berate ourselves down…. I’ll stay tuned for more updates on your activities.

    And know, you are inspiring me to write, to blog… to really go for it.

  37. Emma

    You expressed so beautifully the way I have been feeling the past weeks. I am always a little startled when I realise that many of us share similar fears and concerns. A new month, and change of season is a wonderful time for new beginnings. It is comforting to know that there are others on this journey. So, onwards! One small step at a time! Thank you.

  38. Kim

    Wow, Katie, that really felt like you had written the thoughts straight out of my head! Eerie! I am having a lot of issues similar to what you have written and am wanting to live a healthier life too, but have been having trouble getting started… no idea why… maybe I am afraid, but afraid of what? Thanks for this post. I am going to re-read it in a couple of days to give me time for it to sink in and see how it goes… I am also going to share this post with a lovely group of ladies I chat to online, I think it will help all of them.

    Good luck with your journey to wellness! I look forward to reading more about it!

  39. Thanks for posting this, you’ve described exactly how I sometimes feel. Usually only late at night, while sleep meanders it’s way to me. yes, wellness! I’m in. Signed up for a 5K and really, really want to quit sour skittles. Or at least back off a bit. Mmm, but they are so good. Caught a quote from Neil Gaiman the other day: Being brave is all about being scared and doing what you have to do anyway.

  40. tessa obie

    A friend sent me this letter of fear ,I cried thru the whole thing !!! I am there through each an every word. “I AM AFRAID” !!! Old hit early ,life knocked hard, an the “over-an over” places have come ,over ,an over ,an over ,again,an, again, an again !!! WHEW Lord love a duck ! An, God Bless an Have Mercy on Us All. SIGH …… One Breath at a time . OK ……. that is where I am ,in heart – rendering sobbing ,body shaking ,vulnerability trying to break free of this over – an – over again place . I will copy this “Fear ” post ,an with my first breath begin my journey with you all .
    Take Care an God Bless tessa obie in VA

  41. Hi Katie,
    Well I hope that you aren’t fearful about your talents as a writer. Many look forward to reading your blog (and rightly so).

  42. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Things are incredibly rough for me right now, but between the “kick in the pants” talk I had with my boyfriend in the late night/early morning hours and reading this, I feel much better about everything and I know that I WILL make it through this!

  43. You’re welcome Bernice. I know we all feel it sometimes and I’m energized by sharing it and then maybe helping others through that sharing.

  44. Hello Maia, thank you for sharing the book and the quote. I feel that very freedom, Sharon speaks of, washing through me today like a powerful cleanse. Wellness has begun.

  45. Lisa, you wall imagery is amazing and powerful. My wall is covered in vines that I’m grabbing hold of right now to launch myself over. I see it and feel myself sailing over it’s heights, occasionally getting caught on a tentacle, but kicking my way free. Thank you for sharing this tool for change.

  46. Sarah, your words are so true about celebrating all we do instead of focusing on missteps. In fact, your words are helping to build me up. So glad mine have inspired you in some way too – to go for it! That’s momentum in action.

  47. Emma, I, too, am startled by the response to this post. So many of us are struggling, not only with these same feelings, but with how to get started, to begin, to take that one step or even to know what it is. I’m working on something today that I’ve been putting off for a while – a series of momentum guides that I hope will aid in those beginnings and in this shared journey. Onwards is right!

  48. Kim, eerie or not I’m glad I could express something that resonated deeply with you. I’m not sure why you’re scared but I am hoping my up-coming posts will help you get started. Thanks for sharing my words with your friends and stay tuned for more on our collective wellness journey. I can feel you’re ready — often we need to prepare ourselves mentally before that first step is taken. Maybe take yourself for a long walk and see what comes of it.

  49. Eileen O'Shea

    Hi Katie,
    What a useful post, beautifully written. My divorce is just finished and the move to a new place is imminent. I’m feeling mostly hopeful and positive about these changes, but sometimes I get caught in the “heavy, sticky goo” of fear.

    YOur words remind me that I need to acknowledge the fear, name it and see it clearly to move through it.

  50. Tammy, you are definitely not alone. I know that late night feeling. The world seems to close in at night when things are off-kilter in life. Way to go – signing up for a 5K is huge and skittles are not the end of the world – but sugar is nasty so you might want to go cold turkey. Be brave my skittle fiend!

  51. Tessa sweetie, sounds like you needed to hear this and needed to let it out yourself too. Venting can be hugely powerful. Forgive yourself the “over and over again”s — it is proof positive that you want to change, you never give up and you keep on trying. Join us, be well and believe in yourself. You are more powerful than you know. I’m planning some articles that I think might help so do sign up to the blog or keep visiting. Together we can do this. Hugs, Katie

  52. Riley, crap! You caught me. Of course I’m fearful of my talents as a writer, a mother, a lover, a businesswoman, a blogger, a cook, you name it — I fear that I’m not good enough, but I do it anyway because I love life and despite my fears, I know that I don’t have to be the best or perfect, but simply honest and human.

  53. Dear Violet, I’m sorry things are rough for you right now, but it sounds like your instincts kicked in and told you not to go it alone – turning to loved ones and seeking out inspiration are great ways to begin getting well and feeling better. Much love to you in your tough times. I hope things get better soon. xo

  54. Eileen, oh you are so right. Naming it is partly why I blog. Naming my fears and vulnerabilities seems to release their hold over me — clears the path or as you say, helps us “move through it”. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but your tone is one of forward, positive motion. I’m sure that’s not easy. Good for you.

  55. I struggle with fear almost everyday. Fear of death, fear of being single forever, Fear of being in the rat race forever, fear of failure, fear of what others will think of me… It does me no good but I still have fear. It’s normal, yet insane.

  56. You know I read you often. You inspire me lots. I just don’t find the right words to express my gratitude for your words, so I don’t comment frequently. (but you should know I have your life cleanse on my site, cause I appreciate you)

  57. Just what I needed today, Katie. Thank you!

  58. Katie,
    What a magnificent piece of ’soul writing’. Your willingness to write from a deep, vulnerable place is both touching and a great model; to surrender and walk through the fear. You are empowering me to begin to deal with my own. The article couldn’t have come at a better time for me; I am oozing with fear right now. It has planted itself right in front of me and is not budging. Rather than avoiding it, I am acknowledging its presence, making friends with it but at the same time, am not letting it overpower me.

    Katie, you have made a generous offer; I will be walking the walk with you …day by day. With gratitude….Fran

  59. Sweet of you to say, Cathy. I appreciate you sharing my cleanse. I have a much better picture for it that I can send you and a link so it connects back to the resource. I also have an affiliate program if you want to earn by sharing it. I’ll email you. All the best.

  60. Henway, your fears are legitimate, universal and honest — you’re brave to share them and hopefully in doing so you’ve released them just a little. Normal for sure – insane, well aren’t we all.

  61. Maura, thank you. Seems you’re not alone in that need.

  62. Fran from A-list Blogging Club! Hello. Thanks for the sweet words of encouragement. I love how you put it – acknowledge, make friends and not let it overpower you. That’s how to kick fear in the ass, kindly. I’m so happy you’ll be walking with us. My first day of wellness was a bit of a mixed bag. On to day two.

  63. Joy

    So swe-some—I *love* all that is expressed here!
    Sometimes I wake feeling like your first paragraphs..and then I open my heart to that fear and allow it to movitate me. Fear fills voids, so I focus my effort on living in the *now*..no voids, no room for Fear, for the *now* is absolutely perfect as it is. Fear is of the mind, so I turn off Mind and live through my Heart..most moments. Sometimes Mind is persistant, so then I choose to hug Fear, walk with Fear and allow it to motivate me. We think of tomorrow, but we may embrace new right now in this moment..
    And, each step you’ve taken is one to celebrate, even if/when Fear redirects our steps, we can look back and see how far we’ve actually come..
    We are conditioned to think Fear is a weakness, so often we hide it..but it is a blessing, so I’m glad you chose to share it..if we all shared our fears how empowering that would be!

  64. Hi I found you through facebook my friend Cathy had shared this post with us. As I have got older (54) fear comes to me a lot .. I stop myself doing things because of fear , maybe fear of failure ,.. I also have passion for change , to learn French and to live in France . Learn Italian too … change my job .. which is not much good at the moment … We could all learn to fly … I hope you do too. ?

  65. Joy, what a wonderful way to look at fear – as a motivator, a marker of how far we’ve come, as a strength and a blessing. I think you’re right about sharing – it can be a very empowering force in our lives.

  66. Anne, I’m glad Cathy and others are sharing my fearful little post – igniting thoughts of passion in everyone as you remember what lies beyond your fears – fly you will dear Anne, when you’re ready.

  67. Hi Katie,

    As always, your blog post came around right when I needed to read it. Love how you can do that..
    :) Tv

  68. I am so happy I just found your blog. More people need this kind of honesty in their lives.

  69. Hey Kristen, I love it when people say they “found” my blog. It sounds so random and yet still amazes me how this whole link-fest works. Glad you enjoyed what you read and hope to see you again. xo

  70. UGN

    I am afraid of not performing in my job. I am afriad of being looked down at work. I am afraid of losing my job and then loneliness. Without a job I have no identity and no way to occupy myself. My life will become a bore, I may become dependent on others. I will become financially weak and a social non-entity.

  71. UGN, I hear your fear and I feel much of it too, in bits and pieces through my day. I hope you can find a way to push through it and live, if not without fear, maybe beside it, acknowledging it and then moving forward anyway so that you can slowly become less emotionally wrapped up in the worry of work, loneliness and futility. It’s not easy. I think it’s okay to be afraid, but if we let it take over, we can really get lost. I hope you find a way to embrace what you do have so your fears ease a little.

  72. I can so relate to this. I have days like this where it would be so much easier to give up than to keep going.

    But then I realize that I can’t give up – I’m not a quitter. I wonder if I’m ever going to get where I’m going or if this is a waste of my time and I should be spending my time elsewhere – But I’m not a quitter.

    Everything will work itself out – I’m not a quitter – tomorrow I’ll wake up with new ideas and new tasks and I’ll make the day great!
    Thank you,

  73. Tammy, sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone. It helps me to know so many of you share this fear/empowerment polarity. You most definitely are not a quitter. I can hear it in your words — or see it at least. So glad you’re here, sharing and feeling renewed. Have a great day, today and tomorrow.

  74. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings so honestly. That fear is something we share as humans may be common knowledge, but I think it helps us to hear it told plainly by another person. Fear as a shared experience may be less scary, knowing that we are not alone in overcoming it. Good luck on your journey!

  75. Countess, I think there’s probably not enough plain talk about our common human experiences. It scares us, like so much else. Thanks for commenting and for the twitter follow. Most appreciated.

  76. Catherine A

    Thank You. I imagine myself facing away from blackness, nothingness, the past and I need to keep moving forward (proactive) because, for me, all there is is fear and anxiety and the feeling of wasted life if I don’t change. There is nothing there for me except who I don’t want to be and experiences I don’t want to have. This is great motivator for me. Sometimes this also makes it difficult to live in the moment and not constantly think of the future. Working on this.

    Something as simple as a positive thought to counter a negative one is still moving forward for me. After selling my successful business of 7+ yrs and moving to a new town and not working, I am forgiving myself everyday for not pursuing new habits I want to pursue but I am making changes slowly. It requires constant (sometimes hourly) mental maintenance! There are expectations that we have and who says we have to be this or that? Its You and Me, Us. I tell myself to ‘give me a break!’

    When I finally started removing expectations in my life (dates, timelines e.g. Oprah says…..) I felt I could breath and let it flow. “it” being life and how it will play out.

    Look back on your history and remind yourself all that you are and have done and have a “George Bailey’ moment. Look to those in your life and see what you are to them. They don’t see what you feel about yourself. They see much more. We all need to give some credit their beliefs, of us. :)

    I can relate to so much of your post but I am determined to NOT stay in this place of fear, immobilized and take a little step each day towards who I visualize myself to be. To what I want in my life.

    One day at a time. Once step at a time……..for all of us. A work in progress.

    Glad to of found you. Thank You for sharing.

  77. Catherine, thank you for sharing. I hear your struggle but inside it is I also hear words of hope and compassion for yourself. That’s loving. Imagine yourself as a friend – the things we say to ourselves, we’d never say to a friend. Let’s be our own best friends and move forward with loving steps. The past is done, the future is built on gentle steps, the present is worth being so grateful for. I think you know this. And I can tell that you are smart enough to know that it’s also work. So happy to have met you. xo

  78. Katie, I just discovered your blog today and have to tell you how beautiful all your posts are. Your words and vulnerability inspire me :-) Fear seems to be that thing that we all experience an abundance of, yet think we’re the only ones. Thank you for talking about it and being real – in my opinion that’s exactly what we all need in order to truly connect and feel less fear.